AskRebecca Question

Hi Rebecca –

I’ve been having difficulty and I was wondering if I could ask you a question.

There’s this guy…

I’ve been seeing him for three months. This is the first time in a while that I’ve felt like it might be something meaningful. However, I’m having trouble letting my true self shine through when we are together. In some ways, I have put him on a pedestal and am worried about not being worthy. Intellectually, I know it’s a ridiculous notion and I know that my feelings of insecurity stem from other places than this guy most likely. However, it is a habit that I am having trouble breaking.

Do you have any tips for staying confident and focused and centered in my own sense of worthiness – enough so that I can truly be present in this relationship?

Anonymous

 

Hi Anonymous,

Your insecurities surrounding this relationship stem from fear of abandonment and betrayal. I’m not feeling as if you come from a broken home but I do feel you have had experiences with both of your parents where you perceived them as abandoning you. I feel more on an emotional level than a physical level. I also feel you experienced some sort of betrayal from your father. Whether it was a betrayal towards you or another family member the impression left on your psyche was one of betrayal. Your betrayal and abandonment issues are also from a past life you had in Egypt where your relationships were based on gains for power and control which in the end left you powerless, loveless and heartbroken. All these experiences are affecting you now. You’ve worked through most of your fears in other lifetimes but there is still more work to do to finally free yourself.

I feel Mr. Anonymous is a really good guy disguised in armor. Mr. Anonymous and you are one in the same. You see, like attracts like. All your insecurities are the exact insecurities he has too. Only difference is he acts them out and hides them in a different fashion from you. He projects them outwardly by placing blame on you for things he feels. This is a deflection tactic to keep himself from dealing with the real issues he’s battling internally. He’s not even aware he’s doing this and he is somewhat in denial. His blame and projection onto you then triggers your insecurities. You have a tendency to choose to battle yourself internally, never quite expressing them outwardly or projecting them on to him until you can’t hold it in any more. The fear is if you are being yourself and expressing what you truly feel at all times to him he will reject you, he won’t like you so he’ll leave or he’ll wait to find the next best thing . So instead of being yourself you choose to stay quiet, you play small and end up giving him more fuel to add to his flame of insecurities. However, once you reach your boiling point you lose all self control of your emotions. You say things you don’t really mean,  you defend your perceptions or how you feel, then you start projecting outwardly by placing blame on him. You see how the two of you are doing the exact same thing over and over again but getting there in different ways?

When you feel triggered be aware of what you are feeling and where the real issue is coming from it’s not from something he did or didn’t do. Remember he has the EXACT same issues as you, he’s just not aware of them enough to know why he’s feeling the way he does. So find compassion and understanding for the both of you in that moment. Allow yourself to experience whatever emotions arise. Really feel them but do not act on them in the manor you normally do, just feel them. Feel where the emotion is arising in your physical body and let it flow through you, it will dissolve. Relax, breath and when you are ready find your words with out placing blame. Try expressing yourself with only these opening statements: I feel, I like, I don’t like, I want, I don’t want. Try not to use the word “you” when communicating with him. Try not to fix him, help him, mother him, do things for him or emasculate him in anyway. This will push him away. You be the feminine feeling energy and allow him to be the masculine doing and thinking energy. Give each other space and freedom to be yourselves.

You’re three months into this relationship. This is right about the time emotions come into play and fear starts kicking in. The key is to always love yourself and nurture yourself first. Be yourself fully and completely. Be you, whether you feel you are a dork, sophisticated, a snob, a goofball or whatever other way you describe yourself. BE YOU. I can not say it enough. LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! The more you love you and empower yourself, the more he will love you. Know that everything you love about him are the same qualities you have within yourself. A soul connection relationship like this is your opportunity to get to know yourself better and fall in love with yourself. It’s about getting to know your likes, dislikes, your expectations and what makes you happy in a healthy relationship. This is all about you. Instead of holding back because you fear he’ll leave you if you say or do the wrong thing…..for the love of God, do it or say it anyway. If he leaves, GOOD, it means he’s not right for you. You want to be with someone who will love you unconditionally. Unconditional means without conditions. It means all your baggage, all your crazy and all the good stuff too. You get to acceptance and unconditional love in a relationship when you are the change you wish to see. So please please please love yourself unconditionally by accepting all of you and before you know it your outer reality will be reflecting the same back to you. True freedom comes with being yourself always. True love comes when being yourself. Open your heart and be fearless. You have everything to gain in love and nothing to lose.

Physically I released some blockages around your heart and throat. You will experience some feelings of euphoria and then crash a bit to release the sadness. Then you’ll be feeling amazing again.

Best of luck! Definitely keep me posted. I would love to hear how things progress for the two of you.

 
heart,
Rebecca
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