AskRebecca Question

Hi Rebecca. 

My boyfriend and I are discussing moving in together.  Neither one of us has been too successful in relationships and I guess I’m wondering if this is right? Or is the fear of another possible failed relationship the thing holding me back? What is holding me back, I guess is the question.

Thank you. 

Olivia

39

Vermont

 

Hi Olivia,

I hope your week has been going well so far. Let’s just jump right into your question, shall we? 

So, when I initially (the day you emailed me) read your question and connected with you, I received an overwhelming feeling of fear and this is a “bad idea” coming from you. It felt very intense at that time. So much so I was guided to wait before responding and stay connected with you over the course of the last 2 days. You may have been experiencing a wide range of emotions and some physical sensations during that time. This was necessary for you to release some blockages surrounding love. Today the feeling is less intense.

You really do have a lot of anxiety surrounding the possibility of the two of you moving in together. I feel you’ve been experiencing some stomach problems and feeling nauseous on occasion. I feel there are some concerns about taking on certain responsibilities with him if you move in together. I also feel as if he is more ready to leap right in and you are more hesitant. 

You have become very accustomed to being single and playing it safe when it comes to love. So has he. You both want to be in happy healthy loving relationships but you just don’t believe and trust it can happen. You see in past relationships you’ve always given too much at the expense of yourself. So has he. You have a tendency to lose yourself in a relationship and stop being yourself by trying to be what you think the other person wants you to be. So does he. You believed the other person’s feelings, wants, and needs were more important than your own. So did he. 

This all stems from fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of experiencing a broken heart, fear of failure, fear of success. In your current life and past life you have experienced repeated failures in relationships because you keep choosing people who are unavailable in one way or another. Whether it be emotionally unavailable, physically unavailable or even an affair type situation, you are picking the guy who you know will disappoint you in the end. Sounds silly right? Why in the world would you choose THAT guy? Well, energetically and subconsciously you do. The fear of a broken heart is so painful to you, you would rather pick a guy you’re kinda into even though deep deep down inside you know you’re not really that into him. So when the inevitable happens, yeah sure you’re broken up about it and feel sad but it’s nothing as devastating as a failed relationship with someone you loved beyond measure. Someone that you completely opened yourself up to, someone you felt free enough to be you around. The pain of this type of love holds no comparison to the one when breaking up with the guy you settled for….know what I mean? Want to know something even crazier? Your boyfriend does the EXACT same thing….

The two of you mirror each other completely. You both have the same fears and insecurities surrounding relationships. You are both dating yourselves. Energetically like attracts like. So you see we are only ever dating and falling in love with ourselves. Relationships are a catalyst of self exploration and healing. You get to see yourself acting out the things that are happening internally. Change your perspective on what it means to be in a relationship, see it in a positive light. Focus on the now and be present in every moment. Do not focus on the end result of the relationship because it doesn’t matter. It’s about the journey. Cherish every lesson you learn. This is your opportunity to find out what it is you do like, don’t like, expect, don’t expect, can and can’t tolerate in a relationship, it’s all about you. Every relationship prepares you for the next until you are finally ready to be with the one you are destined to share this lifetime with, it’s a win win situation. The end result is you falling more in love with you and in turn your outer reality mirrors this back to you and your partner will experience the same. Whether a relationship lasts forever, years, months or days the value of experiencing it and loving it for what you learn, good or bad is freedom. Stop putting so much importance on whether it fails or succeeds because even the failures are successes. Enjoy being with a fellow human being and laugh, love, evolve together. Help each other become whole in yourselves. Life is about stepping out of your comfort zone and taking risks. This is your playground to do as you please with your life. If you don’t like how it’s playing out you make changes by choosing differently. You are the creator of everything happening in your life. 

Ask yourself this question. Do I have more to lose by not moving in with him or do I have more to lose if I do? 

I broke up a good amount of your blockages in your belly, heart and chest. 

Olivia, you are an absolutely amazingly loving woman and your boyfriend is an absolutely amazingly loving man. Sure you both have some baggage but who doesn’t? Enjoy each other, build each other up and support one another’s individuality. There’s you, there’s him and then there’s the couple. In the end you can not make a wrong decision. Follow your heart and intuition. If it feels right go for it, if it doesn’t wait until it does, there’s no rush. Choose what’s best for you and what you are feeling, not what you think the other person wants you to do. Trust yourself. Break patterns. I hope I was able to give you some insight into your question.

Wishing you all the best in love! I would love to hear how things progress for you so keep me posted. I love a great love story!!!!

heart,
Rebecca
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