AskRebecca Question

Hi Rebecca,

My name is Randy. I’m going through another divorce. I don’t get it, do you? I want to find love and marry again in the future but don’t want to repeat the same mistakes. What am I not getting? 

Orlando, FL

50 yrs old

Hi Randy,

I want to start off by telling you my heart goes out to you regarding the break up of your marriage. I know what a difficult time this is for you. I also want to commend you for not being closed off to the idea of finding new love and wanting to some day be married again. A bitter heart will do nothing for you. With that being said…

I’d like to offer you some advice to help you be successful in your next relationship. I want to help you see how you are stuck in a pattern of  calling in the same type of woman over and over again. You see, we are all magnets and we attract to us that which exists within us on an energetic level, our subconscious beliefs, perceptions and feelings about ourselves shape our reality. The people we attract in our lives are a mirror reflection of our internal state of being, the good, the bad and the ugly. They show up to teach us something about ourselves and move us into deeper states of self love, which is then reflected back to them, hence the reciprocation of love. Most of us are simply unaware and avoid dealing with our hurt feelings so we repeat patterns over and over again with new people or the same ones. It’s why some people stay in our lives consistently and others cycle in and out of our lives based on our internal state of being.

In order for someone to love you in the way you need and want them to, you have to love yourself unconditionally first. You are a big sweetheart of a guy but you lack self love. This stems from your childhood.  You carry unresolved feelings surrounding insecurities of rejection and not ever feeling good enough. These unresolved emotions stem from the relationship with your father. You tried so hard to please him and gain his validation and acceptance but felt like you never really received it from him.  On some level you felt unloved, unworthy, not smart enough but  you avoided dealing with this pain by keeping yourself busy, by people pleasing, by partying and simply denying your emotions. Due to this you are repeating the same behavior with the women in your life. I also feel some unresolved emotional stuff surrounding your mother and father’s relationship with each other. 

The women you are calling into your life are similar in nature to you and your unresolved emotional baggage. They carry the exact same pain and hurt you do from their pasts. They feel insecure, unloved, unworthy and not good enough but were in denial about it, as were you. So in the relationship with each other you constantly triggered each others fears and insecurities.  Due to not fully being aware of what was happening, not wanting to deal with the real issues and not being able to properly communicate with one another, the blame game and resentment started growing. Then when the marriages ended, you repeated the pattern of avoiding your emotions by never fully allowing yourself to feel your sadness or grieve the relationships properly. Again, due to this, you keep attracting the same women and you will continue to do so, unless….

You get real with yourself and learn how to love yourself. You have to put yourself up on that pedestal for the time being and shower yourself with love and acceptance. You do that by not avoiding your pain. It’s time to let go of all the hurts from your past so that you can start calling in the type of woman who loves herself and will be able to love you back. Please understand all these women were meant to play a roll in your life by showing you your pain and forcing you to relive it until you became aware of it and dealt with it…so be aware of it and deal with it now to break the pattern and vicious cycle of unhealthy relationships. You showed up in their lives to do the same. Ultimately you were meant to help heal each other to evolve in consciousness.

You deserve love, you are worthy of love and you must start seeing yourself as the wonderful man you truly are. I’m certain friends would tell you the same. Oh and stop beating yourself up for things you think you did wrong. It’s only a mistake when you refuse to learn from it, otherwise it’s called growth/evolution.

On a physical level these unresolved emotions are blocking all of your Chakras. Your heart is blocked and guarded, it’s why you are more in love with the idea of love than actually experiencing true love. It’s also why you are disconnected from yourself on an emotional/feeling level. It also blocks the natural flow of your intuition. Your stomach is blocked, it is full of sadness and anger, due to this you may be experiencing digestive issues frequently. This is also why you struggle with your weight. Yes, you love food but it is much more than that, it is a protection and avoidance mechanism. You are an unaware emotional eater and when you are heavier you almost feel like you are more secure in yourself. I also feel like there may be something going on with your ears, feels like pressure or popping.

I did an energetic Chakra healing for you. You may experience some highs and lows. I do feel some emotions of anger will be coming up for you in the next several days. Know that anger is just a symptom of sadness so my advice is cry, punch a pillow, cry, and cry some more it’s okay. Don’t believe the old saying “boys don’t cry” because it’s total bullshit, boys need to cry, it’s healthy, it’s cleansing and helps you move forward in life so you can be happy. Only sissies don’t cry…in my opinion.

My hope is you gained some insight into yourself from this email and perhaps will see things from a new perspective.  

I wish you all the best in love Randy. You have a good heart and keep letting it shine forth.